Who Am I?
by dbswldnjs
Summary: Athrun keeps telling me that he would rather me be myself. I would much rather be Lacus Clyne... Why would he want me? I'm just Meer. Nobody needs me...
1. Athrun Zala: Introduction

_"Shizukana kono yoru ni, anata o matteru no."_

Looking up at the screen I couldn't help but sigh. I should be used to this by now, it had gone on for the past 6 months, however it was as annoying to me now as the day that I first saw her perform.

_"Ano toki wasureta hohoemi wo tori ni kite."_

A rather large crowd of ZAFT soldiers, workers and civilians from the area had gathered to watch the performance, all eyes locked on the pink haired girl singing her heart out in the hands of a Pink ZAKU.

_"Are kara sukoshi dake jikan ga sugite."_

Everybody seemed to be having an enjoyable time. Everyone except for me at least.

_"Omoide ga yasashiku natta ne."_

I swear I'm the only person here who knew the truth about the woman singing before us all.

_"Hoshi no furu basho de! Anata ga waratte iru koto wo _  
_Itsumo negatteta!"_

It was a wonder to me how nobody else could tell that she wasn't the real thing. I had over heard a conversation between two crew members of the Minerva earlier this morning, discussing how Lacus Clyne has changed not only her appearance, but her singing style as well.

_"Ima tookutemo ma aeru yo ne!"_

If only Meer Campbell knew exactly what it was that she was getting herself in to.

* * *

The concert had long since finished.

As usual had a very uncomfortable run in with the Chairman, who then suggested I take "Lacus" out to dinner.

"...My treat." He had said.

I couldn't very well back out now could I? As much as I wanted to.

Half the crew of the Minerva was watching us, and apparently her and I were engaged.

Plus the Chairman isn't somebody you can just go around and say no to.

Besides, seeing the look on her face, how genuinely happy she was at the thought of us going on a date, it made it VERY difficult to say no.

Even though she drove me insane.

So now, here we are, at some fancy sushi-bar hanging out together, every person in the restaurant was gawking at us over their menu's and wine glasses.

Thankfully Meer was a non-drinker, and denied the waiter's offer of wine and just settled on sparkling apple juice. I did not want to see her drunk.

"So Athrun, you said you saw my performance earlier, is that right?" She asked, looking at me with a goofy grin on her face. "What did you think? Did you like it?!"

What was I going to say to her?

'Oh Meer, it was horrible. Yes the song is catchy and very well remixed, however Lacus Clyne would never ever bounce around in that outfit. Nice try.'

Her large blue eyes stared right into my green ones with such hopefulness. I knew she wanted me to be honest, but at the same time she wanted me to tell her she did a great job.

She wanted to hear about how she performed just like Lacus.

Just like Lacus...

"It was uh.." I began, avoiding her gaze, focusing my attention on the salt and pepper placed on the table. Her innocent stare was making me feel guilty. "It really was great. Everyone seemed to enjoy it." I said, taking a sip of wine.

"Really?!" Her face lit up bigger than a Christmas tree on Christmas eve. I had to look away again. "That makes me so happy! I tried really hard today, harder than I ever have before!"

All I could do was force a very small smile.

"Was it convincing?"

I sighed. "Everyone thought you were the real deal." I said, quiet enough so that the people sitting at the table beside us wouldn't overhear.

Meer grew even more excited, if that was even possible, and after giggling like a school girl she opened her mouth to speak but before she could manage a single word the waiter returned with out meal as well as a blank sheet of paper for an autograph from Lacus Clyne.

I watched as Meer gracefully and flawlessly imitated Lacus Clyne's signature as if she had practiced her whole life.

She must have went through months of training to perfect this role.

The waiter pretty much skipped into the kitchen with a wide grin on his face, and they could all hear an argument break out between the staff over who got to keep it.

"The people here are so kind to me." She said, removing her gloves and popping a piece of sushi in her mouth. The real Lacus Clyne hated sushi. "Everyone is so kind to me! They all seem to really love me..."

She lowered her eyes, her usual cheerful demeanour vanished. "Well, they all love Lacus Clyne that's for sure..."

I allowed myself to steal a quick glance at the young woman across the table from me. Usually, I avoided looking directly at her face because it made me rather uncomfortable. I had known Lacus since I was a boy, and I also knew that she was on Earth with Kira. To see another woman who looked just like her, it bothered me.

It bothered me a lot.

If you looked closely, you really could tell that there was a difference between the two girls.

Meer's hair was more straight and was a darker shade of pink while Lacus' fell in natural curls down her back and was very light in colour.

The woman sitting before me had bright blue eyes, while my ex-fiancé had pale grey eyes.

Meer was way more energetic than Lacus, with enough energy to run a marathon and not even break a sweat. Not to mention she definitely had a lot more curves, if you know what I mean.

Noticing these differences was a difficult task and required a lot of attention to detail, unless you had known Miss. Clyne your whole life, as I have.

It was a lot easier to look Meer Campbell in the face now that I had noticed a few legitimate difference between the two girls.

"Meer..."I said, reaching across the table and taking her hand in mine, trying to bring that smile back to her face. "The people do love you."

She looked up, her sadness completely replaced by the cheerful face I had grown accustomed to seeing. I could feel her giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"I'm alright now! This role, I mean, being Lacus Clyne, it's my dream!" She smiled. "Even if It's only temporary, I don't mind. People pay me so much attention now It's insane! They all love me... well, they love Lacus. But at the same time they love me as well so It's alright!"

I could tell that, even through the smile she was hurt inside. She really was struggling with both sides of her life.

Do I really know anything about her at all?

"So." I began, gently releasing her hand to allow the both of us to continue with our meal. "Tell me about yourself."

Meer gave me a quizzical look. "What do you mean? You already know everything there it so know about Lacus Clyne."

I shook my head. "I don't want to know about her, I want to know about you. I want to know more about Meer Campbell."

Her face went blank.

I really was curious.

"Why would you ever want to know about me?" She asked, turning to look out the window. "I'm nobody special."

"Because I want to. I want to know who Meer Campbell is." I told her. "Tell me about yourself."

* * *

The two of us talked through the whole meal.

She told me about herself, the real Meer Campbell, and answered all the questions I had without hesitation.

It turns out she is actually a bit of a tomboy. She told me she loves the woods, and that she used to play videogames all the time, and even though she was told to ditch the habit because it was not something that Lacus Clyne would ever do, she had hid her Gameboy in a secret compartment of her purse and she plays it when no one is around.

She is also a year younger than Lacus and himself.

Her favourite food is apparently all food, and she said she's open to trying just about anything and everything.

"Dancing is my hobby." She said as we walked through the street. The bodyguards the Chairman had hired for her more than insisted on driving the two of us back to the hotel, but Meer refused. She wanted us to be seen in public.

I knew that deep down all she wanted was some space.

"I used to dance all the time. I took dance classes, and I did rather well in them." She said, snuggling closer to me. As usual, she had a death grip on my arm.

"I can tell. They really paid off." I said, trying to be supportive. I had no idea what the Chairman really intended on doing with her, but I decided it was best to remain on their good sides.

The last thing I needed was someone like the Chairman out for my blood.

"You really think so?" She chimed. "I was hoping somebody would comment on my dancing. All anyone ever compliments me on is my voice."

"Your voice is good too."

She then told me about when it was that she decided she loved Lacus Clyne, and how she always wanted to be just like her.

"So you can imagine my surprise when the Chairman contacted me and offered to give me the chance to live my dream!" She explained as I used my arm to guide her around a puddle in the street that she was about to prance straight through. She must have took it the wrong way and reached out and grabbed my hand in hers and laced our fingers together.

I had never really held hands with a woman before. It was a bit awkward and I wanted to let go but she held my fingers in such a tight grasp and just kept on talking.

"The plastic surgery hurt a lot. I had to go through 3 months of plastic surgery in order for my face to even remotely resemble Lacus Clynes." Meer somehow managed to retain a calm and cheerful face as she told me all about her make-over. "Then they had to chemically straighten my hair. I know Lacus has wavy hair, but mine was so curly it looked nothing like hers! I think they straightened it a little too much but, nobody seems to notice."

'I noticed.'

"Anyway. After that they had to dye my hair. I don't know how the Chairman came across such strong, permanent dye but my hair used to be almost black and now look at it! It's so pink!" She laughed. "Once every few months I have to get my roots dyed as a precautionary measure, and every 6 months I have to get my hair completely dyed to cover up any signs of fading."

It took a lot of effort for me to bite my tongue and stop myself from shaking her violently.

She went through so much pain and torture, and for what? To look like Lacus Clyne, just so the Chairman can use her for, whatever it is he's planning?

I really don't know what to think. So I just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"It sounds like too much work if you ask me."

Meer looked up at me a grin. "Oh it is but, I really don't mind."

She was lying to herself, and to me.

We could see the hotel coming into view, and sitting out front in idle was a rather large black limo. Standing outside of it were Meer's bodyguards.

"Miss Lacus." One said, stepping forward. "Sorry to interrupt your evening, however the Chairman has requested your presence."

"Awwwww! Do I have to go?" Meer whined, sticking out her bottom lip and stamping her foot.

"I'm sorry Miss but it is the Chairman's orders. He wants me to tell you that you can see Mister Zala tomorrow."

Meer certainly wasn't happy with that, but she let out a sigh of defeat and reluctantly released my hand from her death grip.

I had to hold back a sigh of relief as I felt the blood rush back to my fingers.

"I'll see you tomorrow Athrun, okay?" She smiled up at me.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, sure thing."

As I turned to leave she threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my waist, as she usually does. I looked up and saw that her bodyguards were giving me a rather sinister look so I wrapped my arms around her back and gave her a small squeeze.

"See you tomorrow, uh, Lacus."

* * *

*This Is my little fantasy world in which Meer does not die.

And she is given a much bigger role in the series besides being fake Lacus.

A lot of the stuff I write in this story will be events that do not actually take place In the series.

I will also be tweaking parts in order to incorporate Meer.

Enjoy!


	2. Surprise

When I woke up the next morning, something felt very... off.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, however something at the back of my mind was telling me that something else was in the room as me.

My bed felt even more cozy than usual so I was very reluctant to get up and start my day, however any second now a man in a ZAFT uniform would come tapping at my door, telling me it's time to wake up and begin whatever the Chairman decided to have me do today.

As I sat up in bed, I noticed the bed did feel very strange, and my hand brushed against something soft and furry.

I glanced beside me to see a large lump in my bed covers.

Without even stopping to think about what it could be I reached over and yanked down the covers to expose a sleeping woman.

My hand was tangled up in bubble-gum pink hair.

It was the sleeping form of none other than Meer Campbell herself.

* * *

As I collided with my floor, the pink-haired woman sleeping soundly in my bed stirred awake.

"Athrun?" She asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She was dressed in a very short pink night dress with a lot of fluff around the edges and it didn't seem to fit her body very well.

I opened my mouth to speak when a knock came at the door.

"Captain good morning."

It was Lunamaria Hawke, a Mobile Suit pilot of the Minerva.

"Captain are you awake? I was wondering if you wanted to join me in the dining hall for breakfast." She called through the door.

"Oh.. right!" I called to her, scrambling to my feet and rushing to the door.

Before I opened it however, I looked down and realized I was still in my boxer shorts from last night and I couldn't possibly open the door like this.

As I turned to go grab my pants, I was reminded of the young woman who apparently snuck into bed with me last night, propped on my bed with an innocent look on her face.

I groaned inwardly as I raced to put on my pants, calling out to Lunamaria as I did so.

As I was about to button up my pants I saw Meer stomp her way towards the door.

"No don't!"

It was too late.

Meer had already opened the door, and a wide-eyed Lunamaria stared back at her with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Thank you very much." She spoke in her best Lacus Clyne impression. "Athrun and I will be along shortly so please go on without us."

"Oh...uh, yeah, oh-okay." Lunamaria stuttered before having the door slammed in her face.

I marched right up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders just as she turned to speak to me.

"What do you think you're doing?!" I demanded.

She looked up at me with a confused face. "Well it was just that girl-"

"Never mind that girl! How did you get in here?"

"Oh that! I just told the receptionist that I was supposed to meet you here but it seems you had already fallen asleep." She explained. "Then I was surprised to find that you really were asleep."

She stuck out her bottom lip. It seems that she really didn't mean any harm.

But still...

"Never mind the how." I said rubbing my hands through my hair. "The question is why?"

She tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean? People who are engaged, and who haven't seen each other in a long time are normally supposed to do these things."

I face palmed, and hit myself in the head harder than I had meant to.

Why on Earth would she think this was a good idea? Lacus would never do something like this, not in a billion years!

On top of that, Lacus and I aren't even engaged, and neither are Meer and myself.

Besides, even if Lacus and I were still engaged, she isn't even the real Lacus!

This job... she must really think she's Lacus Clyne.

I could tell that the reality between her real self and her fake self was starting to blur and she was really convinced she was Lacus Clyne.

I sighed. "Lacus... would never do something like this."

Meer blinked. "She wouldn't? Well why not?"

I face palmed myself with both hands this time.

"Look, this isn't something she would normally do alright? Lacus and I, never shared a bed together, or did anything of the sort." I explained, throwing myself onto the bed. "Also sneaking in bed with someone isn't exactly what I would call classy."

I flopped back on the bed, and put my hands up to shield my face from the piercing glare of the sun through my hotel room window.

I opened my mouth to ask Meer to politely leave my room so I could get changed when I felt a weight on my bed and before I knew it she had thrown her arms around me and snuggled her face into my neck.

"M-Meer what are you..."

Seeing how peaceful she looked made the words catch in my throat.

She really did look exactly like my ex-fiancée.

I knew deep down inside my heart would always hold a special place for Lacus. Even though it was an arranged marriage, I still had genuine feelings for her.

I was excited to be engaged, and I did fall incredibly and deeply in love with her.

I could tell she cared about me, but not nearly as much as I cared for her.

That always killed me inside.

To have this Lacus-look-a-like throwing herself at me every second, well if I was 16-years old once more I would be overjoyed.

If it was the real Lacus at least.

To have Meer, her double, always latching on to me, to see her face light up every time I entered the room, it did make me feel a little warm inside.

I couldn't figure out why though.

Maybe it was the fact that I would never completely be over Lacus that made me feel this way, or maybe I was just incredibly lonely.

I was in love with Cagalli. She was the woman of my dreams, the one I was sure I wanted to spend forever with, even though she was being held up far out of my reach now.

If it wasn't for her engagement to Yuna, we would be happily living together in ORB right now.

Or at least, together in ORB.

Her and I could never be together.

Cagalli had never showed this much affection towards me.

Yes we kissed plenty of times, and we held hands, and cuddled, and did... other things, I never saw her face light up like a thousand suns at the mere mention of my name, nor did she run up countless flights of stairs at top speed just to see me.

To be honest, I wasn't even sure if Meer liked me for me.

The way she acts, the way she talks, it's as if she only likes me because she thinks that I'm engaged to Lacus, and she thinks that she is the real Lacus.

Why do women have to be so confusing?

"You make me so happy Athrun." She cooed, burying her face deeper into the crook of my neck. Even with unwashed hair she still smelled really good, like ginger and honey. Lacus Clyne always smelled of rose or lavender.

"Meer, I don't..." I couldn't find the words. "You only like me because you think Lacus and I are engaged, is that correct?"

She looked up at me with big, curious blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" She asked, resting her chin on my chest.

I let out a sigh. "I mean, you never met me before but yet you got rather excited when you saw me for the first time, and you even gave me a hug."

She gave me a warm smile.

"I saw photos of you, and the Chairman talked about you non stop." She explained, sitting up from the bed. The spot where she lay seconds ago was now growing cold. "And when I first saw you I thought, wow look at how handsome he is!" She giggled. "And when I first met you, I thought you looked even better in person! Once I got to know you, and heard stories of you in combat, I knew you were too good to be true. You're such a great guy Athrun."

"So if you weren't Lacus Clyne's double, would you still be interested in me?"

I don't know why I asked that question. It just popped into my head.

I really was curious though.

She nodded her head and jumped to her feet.

"Of course! I had such a big crush on you, long before I was even offered the job to be Lacus Clyne!" She said, clapping enthusiastically. "You were on the news all the time, and there were videos, photos, and articles about you all over the internet. You were my biggest hero, next to Miss. Lacus of course."

The thought of her liking me for me nad not just because she thinks she's Lacus was sort of relieving to me.

I don't understand why, I could care less if she likes me or not.

We're just friends, and she's a huge thorn in my side more than half the time.

So why should I care.

I studied her face, a flawless replica of Lacus Clyne.

The two girls looked, so similar but yet the were polar opposites in personalities.

"Even though you were engaged to Lacus Clyne, I was always so jealous of her. Part of me wished that I could be her, so that we could be together. Then suddenly, poof!" She threw her hands in the air. "Here we are!"

"I think we should get ready and head downstairs." I said, getting to my feet and wrapping an arm around her waist. I had to get her out of this room and far away from me before my head exploded with thoughts and feelings.

Before she could squeal and leech herself to me I gently guided her towards the door and sent her to her own room to get ready.

"Oh, why can't we go to the showers together?" She protested as I struggled to get her out the door.

"Because that's wrong and Lacus Clyne doesn't do that!"

* * *

As soon as I was showered and dressed in my neatly pressed ZAFT military uniform, I was on my way to the dining room to see if Lunamaria and the others were still there when I was tackled before I could even take a step outside my door.

"Athrun!" Meer squealed, squeezing the air out of me. "I missed you!"

"Uh, we just saw each other half an hour ago." I reminded her, gently pushing her away from me. She was once again wearing her Lacus Clyne outfit, the one that looks nothing like an outfit that the real Lacus would wear.

It was a strange combination between a bathing suit and a low-slung skirt with a matching cape and gloves. The colour scheme was right anyway, purple and white with yellow trim.

It was very revealing, and it made it difficult to look at Meer for too long while she was in that uniform.

Even though I wasn't romantically interested in her, I was still a guy and she was an incredibly attractive young woman with a very nice body and very revealing clothes.

"Let's go have breakfast together!" She said, wrapping her arms around my own. "Or, it's a little late for that. Lunch is nice too!"

I looked around the room for an escape. To my right was her bodyguards she always had following her everywhere.

Where were they last night when she decided to do a B&E into my hotel room?

To my left was a set of stairs that lead down to the main floor of the hotel.

Sensing my inevitable defeat and lack of an escape route I let out a sigh before leading the young woman down the stairs to join the others.

I would surely get interrogated by the crew of the Minerva after this.

"Did I tell you about my first concert?" She chattered as we walked down the first flight of steps together. "It was so funny!"

"No, I don't believe you did." I said, trying my hardest to sound interested. Part of me was, the other part was busy surveying the area for people that I knew.

"Well." She began, hopping down the last few steps and dragging my along with her. "I was so nervous performing for the first time, however after the first verse It felt completely natural! Anyway, afterwards I was swarmed by all kinds of people asking me for my autograph, or a photo! It was overwhelming to have so many people, this excited to be next to me!"

I could guess that in her earlier life, whatever that was, she never got much attention from strangers.

She always spoke to me about how much love and attention she gets from everyone, just because they think that she is Lacus and that's the part she loves the most about this job.

"Well anyway, there was this guy who was falling behind the rest of the crowd. Trying to push through and get me to sign his Lacus Clyne photo, a photo of the real one of course but he didn't know that." She said as if it didn't even bother her. "When he finally got to me, he was so excited, so flustered that he couldn't even speak!"

We passed by the second floor and a group of soldiers stopped walking to salute to myself, and then began gawking at Meer's backside as we passed.

Just seeing them ogle her like that made my blood boil. It hated it when men did that to any normal woman, but to Meer It just downright disgusted me!

The started making rude and obscene gestures to each other, imitating what they would do to her no doubt and it took everything I had not to break away from her and punch them in their throats!

"-and then his face got all read and all he could say was "Thank you!" He was so embarrassed!" She laughed out loud as we descended the stairs onto the first floor. I had missed a good portion of her story, and I felt bad for it but at the same time I was too distracted by everything else to really listen.

Once we got to the bottom, Lunamaria and Shinn were waiting for us, as was Rey and a man named Heine.

After we all got introduced, they began complimenting Meer on her concert yesterday afternoon. I could tell she was glowing with joy at all their kind words, and it made me heart sink to know how much she longs to be appreciated, to be loved.

That was probably the main reason she wanted to be Lacus so much.

She wanted the attention, and the glory of having everyone love you and treat you with such kindness, such respect no matter where you went and what you did.

I suppose anyone would want such a thing.

The two bodyguards that follow Meer everywhere approached from behind, and informed her that she had to leave.

"Awwww!" She whined, sticking out her bottom lip. "Do I really have to?"

"Yes Miss. Lacus." One said, gesturing for the door leading outside. "We really must get going."

I was about to turn on my heels and flee down the hall with Shinn and Rey when a gloved hand latched itself onto my once more and forced me out the door.

* * *

"Well, goodbye Meer. Take care." I said in a hurry, trying to make her leave faster. I had felt strange ever since I had dinner with her last night, and the very sight of her made me feel warm inside.

It was as if she wasn't as annoying to me as she once was, and that I was beginning to feel a genuine closeness with her.

I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't let that happen.

Lacus, Cagalli, I was always hurt in the end.

Meer was just a friend after all.

I gave her a salute and was about to push her towards her helicopter when she wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned in close to me, the scent of honey filled the air.

"This is the part where we kiss right?" She whispered, leaning in with her eyes closed.

I did want to kiss her. I wouldn't mind. After all I'm single now, right? So technically I can kiss whoever I want.

My pride got the better of me in the end and I stubbornly pushed her away, telling her she was going to be late.

Despite her whining and protesting she eventually climbed onto her helicopter and flew off, probably to do the Chairman's dirty work no doubt.

She smiled sadly at me through the window and gave me a small wave as she descended higher into the air, and I waved back as the helicopter drifted more and more out of sight.

I waited on the grass until the helicopter was just a tiny black dot in the sky before turning on my heels and heading back inside with the others.

I was sure that wasn't the last time I would be seeing Meer Campbell, I was sure of that, and that thought made me smile to myself.

"See you soon, Meer."


	3. The Escape

"We can still go back. It will all be okay..."

I held out my hand to him, hoping, praying, wanting nothing more than for him to reach out and accept it, so we could both go back to the way things were before the Chairman began targeting Athrun.

Instead of accepting my hand however, he reached his out towards me once again.

"Please Meer!" He begged.

Meer... Why does he keep calling me that?

My name was Lacus Clyne.

Everything in my life was going perfectly. I was Lacus Clyne, I performed concerts on a weekly basis, the people of the PLANTS adored me. On top of all that, I was helping the Chairman bring peace between the people of Earth and the PLANTS, and I had Athrun Zala as my fiancé.

Then it all came crashing down.

Lately Athrun has been on edge, and the Chairman has been suspicious of him. They make it both so hard to stay in character when they act like this.

Earlier today, the Chairman presented Athrun and a boy named Shinn with brand new mobile suits! Shinn looked overjoyed to receive such a special gift from the Chairman, Athrun however looked more angry than anything.

He even lashed out at the Chairman.

It seems that the Chairman had ordered the destruction of the Archangel, the most famous ship ever, as well as the Freedom.

I should be overjoyed. The real Lacus Clyne was killed in the fight, so that means that I am the real Lacus Clyne.

I am the only one left after all, so I must be the real one?

Right...?

The Chairman and I tried put on a show to make it seem like destroying the Archangel was a good thing, we really tried our best and even I was convinced it was all true.

However, Athrun didn't buy any of it. He became even more angry with the Chairman, he even lashed out at me!

I couldn't believe it.

I went to speak with the Chairman, to beg him not to do anything harsh to Athrun.

However, I ended up eavesdropping on a conversation between the Chairman and a boy named Rey, it seems that they deem Athrun "No good" and want to have him killed instantly!

There was no way they could kill Athrun Zala! The wouldn't, would they?

Would the Chairman do that?

I rushed to his room as fast as I could, I had to tell him what was happening. I needed him to apologize, and thank the Chairman for everything.

He had to.

Athrun can't die.

In my fantasy world, Athrun listened to me and we walked to the Chairman's room hand in hand, where he apologized for being in a foul mood earlier and then thanked the Chairman for his mobile suit.

He then pledged his undying loyalty to him, and everything went back to normal.

However... that's not how things went down at all!

Athrun wouldn't listen to a word I said! He had said to me, "I won't be a puppet who kills whoever the Chairman says without question."

In a way, it did make sense. Who would want to be a puppet?

Wait. Am I a puppet?

I do whatever the Chairman says, and I don't question him at all.

Does that make me his...

No! I'm not his puppet!

Everything that the Chairman says is the truth, I know it is!

Armed guards burst through the door, and they began fighting with Athrun!

I couldn't see anything, but I heard it, I heard it all.

Gun shots, shouts, fighting.

And then nothing.

"Athrun...?" I was about to peak out the window when he appeared. I was so relieved to see him, but our reuinion was cut short.

He held out his hand to me. "Come on!" He shouted, and without hesitating I accepted and he pulled me out the window.

Together we ran down the stairs, and I was so excited to be holding his hand. We were running away together!

He wanted to take me with him!

Wait.. we were running away? No this can't be happening! If I leave the Chairman, then I can't be Lacus anymore!

So now, here we are, standing on the fire escape in the pouring down rain, both of us offering each other a chance at happiness.

What should I do?

"Please Meer!" Athrun beckoned, thrusting his hand out once more.

I froze in spot, torn between two choices.

If I went with Athrun, would I still be Lacus Clyne?

No... I couldn't be. There's no way! I'm just Meer to him, I'm nobody else but Meer!

Not Lacus, but Meer!

We could hear commotion up ahead, there were guards closing in on us. One of us had to make a decision soon, but which one would cave first?

The next thing I knew, I felt Athrun's strong hands grip my wrist and pull me down the stairs with him with such force I almost fell twice.

Instead of letting go however, I held on. I don't know why I did it. I wanted nothing more than to let go and run back the way I came, to the Chairman, to my life as Lacus Clyne.

But my feelings for him made me hold on, even though I didn't want to.

* * *

"Athrun I need my things!" I protested, once we reached the warehouses.

He grabbed my shoulders. "Are you crazy? We'll both be killed!"

I stomped my foot on the pavement. "I can't leave behind my things, I have many personal belongings I would rather not part with." I protested"

"Like what?" He demanded, surveying the area for ZAFT soldiers.

"My purse and... my haro. I can't leave without those I need them." I said, trying to buy time. If I could somehow get him to come back with me them maybe we could work things out.

He looked me in the eyes for a good, long time before letting out a sigh and punching a nearby wall. It scared me to see him lash out like this.

"Fine. We have ten minutes." He said, grabbing my wrist and walking back the way we just came. "You're not leaving my side."

On any other given day, those words would make me the happiest woman alive. Right now, they scared me.

We managed to sneak into my room with no problem. The guards who usually stood guard over my things were called off to aid in the search of Athrun Zala, and thankfully there was another fire escape right outside my room.

Athrun helped me pick the lock on my window and then hoisted me up into the room.

"Be quick Meer." He said, standing watch by the window. "I can't afford to be caught."

I nodded, scared out of my mind I turned and began to search for my things.

My red Haro was sitting on my pillow, where I always left him. I scooped him up and made sure to keep him as quiet as possible, so I wouldn't alert anyone passing by my room.

Next I grabbed my pink purse, the one that my mother had purchased for me last summer that held all my personal and most precious belongings, and after shoving some money, a few trinkets I had collected and some various bits and bobs into the compartment I sealed it shut and went rummaging through my suitcase for a clean pair of clothes.

I found a spare bag at the bottom of the floor and shoved a white sleeveless dress with lace trim and a black zip-up hoodie to go along with it.

Grabbing some matching stockings from the bottom of the suitcase I zipped the bag shut and began walking back towards the window.

What was I doing?

I had two options: I could take a chance and run out the door, and down the hall and right back into the wistful protection of the Chairman.

Or I could rush out the door with Athrun Zala, the man of my dreams and live a happy life as his Lacus Clyne.

This was the perfect opportunity to get rid of Athrun, once I shook him off I was free to live my life as I chose.

'I know what I have to do.' I said, biting my bottom lip. 'I can't leave the Chairman. I... I am Lacus Clyne. She would choose to stay, I know she would.'

I turned towards the door and as I was prepared to make my hasty dash out into the hall, the door burst open and four ZAFT soldiers armed to the teeth were standing there with their guns raised.

"There she is!" One yelled.

One other stepped forward. "We received orders from the Chairman himself to apprehend the imposter and traitor."

"Surrender now and come quietly." A third one yelled from the back.

"Imposter?" I repeated, my body suddenly went numb. What did they mean, imposter?

I wasn't an imposter. I was Lacus Clyne! The real one!"

"Meer look out!" Athrun yelled, pulling me towards him and snapping me out of my daze. A shower of bullets hit the walls and the window as the two of us stumbled down the fire escape and out into the cold, wet night once more.

"Why are they after me I don't understand!" I yelled, completely in shock and feeling betrayed. I had done nothing wrong. What were they told? What lies reached the Chairman's ears?

"The Chairman probably thinks you came willingly." Athrun said, dodging some bullets and shooting a nearby guard who opened fire on the two of us. "Don't worry Meer, I'm going to protect you. Just stay close."

He pulled me over to a nearby car that was being used by the guard Athrun had previously shot and after opening the passenger door and forcefully shoving me inside he threw himself over the hood, and into the drivers seat.

Thankfully the keys were still in the ignition, because there was two dozen guards rushing towards us form behind!

Athrun waisted no time slamming that car into drive and peeling out of the parking lot, squealing the tires and almost hitting a few people walking on the way out.

I dug my nails into his arm.

"Athrun!" I cried, hiding my face with my free hand. "I'm scared please stop!"

I began to openly cry, not caring if my makeup smudged or not. This was too much, I had never seen this much death, or witnessed this much shooting in my entire life.

Was this what the life of Lacus Clyne was like?

Did this ever happen to her?

"Don't worry Meer." He said, taking his hand in mine. His hands were freezing cold, like ice. I could feel it even through my wet gloves.

We pulled to a stop as soon as we reached the hangar bay, where they kept the mobile suits, and the two of us ran hand in hand, completely soaked from the rain towards the nearest ZAKU.

Before either of us could get inside however, bullets from behind intercepted our path and we turned to see the young man the Chairman had been talking to, Rey the weird one.

"Athrun." He said coldly, walking towards us with his gun drawn. "You traitor."

I could see that were stuck between a rock and hardplace, an escape and Rey.

"Don't do this Rey." He yelled, raising his own gun. "I don't want to fight you."

"You should have thought of this before you betrayed us all!" Rey spat, opening fire on us. Athrun pushed me behind some crates and I pulled my knees into my chest, screaming and crying at the same time, trying to cover my ears and drown out the sound of bullets.

This whole situation frightened me. I had never gone through this before, is this what life was like every single day for these soldiers?

No wonder Athrun remained strong and mature all the time.

I hoped, prayed for the two of them to stop firing on one another. As much as I hated wishing death upon people I wanted nothing more than for Athrun to send a bullet right through Rey's eyes so we could end this and leave this place before more people were killed.

The next thing I knew I was being pulled to my feet by Athrun and drug up the side of a ZAKU.

Rey was scrambling to his feet nearby.

When we got to the top, he popped open the cockpit and jumped inside, taking my hand and helping me settle in beside him.

The two of us were soaked to the bone, and he was shivering slightly but I was happy to be safe inside the cockpit with him.

After booting up the engines, he broke through some cable holding the giant machine in place. He almost stepped on Rey on his way out the door, and he started firing bullets at the two of us but they did nothing more than bounce off the side of the beast and fall to the ground at it's feet.

"Hold on." Athrun said, starting the enginges he launched the two of us into the sky.

* * *

We hadn't gotten very far away before the two mobile suits the Chairman had given to Athrun and that boy Shinn had caught up to us.

The three of them began fighting with one another, and I was so scared of what was going on around me I did nothing more than clutch my eyes shut, hold my ears and cry.

I tried to think of happy thoughts.

I thought of singing to all the soldiers at the military base. The sound of my voice flowing through the auditorium.

_"Hoshi no furu basho e! Omoi wo..."_

The adrenaline rushing through my veins as I danced on stage, feeling the eyes of tens of thousands of ZAFT soldiers watching my every move, cheering my name.

_"Lacus! Lacus! Lacus!"_

The ZAKU we were flying in was hit harshly by one of the two mobile suits and we were violently thrown to the side.

I felt all the wind being sucked out of me as we fell, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I held back for the sake of Athrun.

My thoughts drifted to the pink ZAKU the Chairman had given me the other month. When it flew in, all the soldiers and civillians swarmed to my presenve, cheering my name and singing along to my song.

_"Anata ni todoketai itsumo soba ni iru!"_

I remember scanning the crowd from up high, scared to death of slipping and falling, having my dream cut short.

I kept holding on, and made sure that I didn't mess up. I needed to survive for the Chairman, for the PLANTS and more importantly for Athrun.

_"We are in the quiet night, dreaming in the night!"_

"Meer hold on!" Athrun's voice jolted me to reality. We were spinning out of control towards the water below, his screams and mine became one mess of sounds as we plummeted into the ocean.

I was sure we were dead. We were going to die.

At least I died with Athrun. At least I got to live my dream once.

No, it wasn't over. I couldn't die, not like this.

I still had so much to live for. Didn't I?

* * *

"You need dry clothes."

I looked up through soaked pink bangs to see Athrun standing above me, his ZAFT soldier jacket thrown carelessly in a wet pile on the floor.

His arm was in a make-shift sling used from bits of pieces of my skirt that he had ripped up.

"You can change in here. I won't look." He said sadly, refusing to look me in the eye. I looked over to see my spare bag on the floor, damp from the rain but un harmed. My purse had spilled in the fight between Athrun and Shinn and Rey, as I later learned. My lip stick lip popped off, and stained a small portion of the floor red while my hand mirror had completely shattered.

All I could really do was nod my head.

I was still in shock over everything that had just happened. Fleeing with Athrun, being pursued by men with guns, the fight.

"I ran away." I said, hanging my head between my knees. "I ran away from the Chairman. From ZAFT. From... everything."

I held up a strand of pink hair. I still had her face, her voice, her appearance, so why couldn't I still be Lacus Clyne?

Athrun has called me Lacus before, maybe I can still be her.

I can just see the headlines now.

"Athrun Zala kidnaps fiancé Lacus Clyne."

I wonder what everyone would think once they found out that I was gone? The Chairman most likely was furious, and is telling everybody that he kidnapped me.

I willingly came with him against my will. Does that make sense?

But those men back there, they said the Chairman ordered them to arrest the imposter.

Was I the imposter? Why would the Chairman want me arrested?

Maybe it was for my safety? To keep me our of arms reach?

"What am I going to do?"

It took a long time to pull my wet clothes off of me, and I was more than happy to ditch what was left of my skirt. Once I dried myself off as best as I could with some napkins I had found in my purse, I changed into the clothes I grabbed from my suitcase back in Gibralter.

I didn't think I would actually need them.

I slipped on my dress and hoodie, making sure to zip it all the way up. It was cold outside, and me being soaked made it even worse. Pulling on my black thigh-high stockings took a lot of effort as my legs were still rather wet but I managed nonetheless.

I had to wear the same shoes as I always have, which were rather easy to dry with a few napkins.

My hair was a fright! Thankfully I had a spare comb in my purse and after pulling out as many knots as I could, using what was left of my cracked handmirror to help me adjust my hair.

I looked behind me at the wet clothes that lay on the seat of the ZAKU and had to force back tears. Shedding my Lacus Clyne outfit made me feel as though I was giving up my life as her completely.

But I wasn't!

I was still Lacus Clyne, I'm sure of it.

Ripping off a piece of fabric from my old skirt I used to tie my wet hair up into a high ponytail and I gathered up the garments and exited the ZAKU.

Athrun was sitting on it's feet, his head buried in his once good hand.

When he saw me exit the cockpit he got up and came to meet me, taking my old clothes and tossing them onto the ground he grabbed my shoulders and looked me right in the eye.

"Meer." He said. "I know you're having second thoughts about this."

I looked away from him, unable to meet his gaze. It made me feel guilty, just looking at him.

He was still calling me by that name. That was not my name.

"I'm sorry but I can not let you go back there." He told me. "You will be killed, and I can't let that happen to you Meer."

I looked up at him. "Please Athrun... Please come back with me."

He lowered his eyes. "I'm afraid I can't go back. Not now... Neither of us can"

A million thoughts were racing through my head.

What would happen if I went back?

What would happen if I stayed with him?

"I..." I couldn't think of anything to say to him, so I just shrunk down against the seat and cried.

* * *

There was a two-way radio in the cockpit of the ZAKU that had some battery life still in it.

"Come in Archangel." Athrun tried for the four hundredth time. "This is Athrun Zala, please respond."

It turns out that I was wrong, and that the Archangel had survived the blast.

I also came to the realization that the other woman, the one who looks just like me, she wasn't dead.

She was alive.

My thoughts went back to the shuttle-jacking incident that happened last week.

The only person in the world that looked and sounded just like me was...

Her.

And now that we were in search of the Archangel, I felt a panic build up inside of me.

What if she was there?

They would surely claim to be the real Lacus Clyne.

Would we fight?

Why did I come with Athrun? Why didn't I stay behind?

"There's no use." He sighed. "I can't get through to them. I have no idea where they are."

"Hey Athrun..." I urged. " I'm hungry... and I'm tired."

He looked up at me with a frown and began messing with the controls of the radio, switching it to news he set it down beside us and began rummaging through the various compartments inside the ZAKU's cockpit.

"The power in this thing isn't going to last any longer anyway." He said, pulling out a brown box marked EMERGENCY "I'm surprised it managed to last this long. I've pushed it to it's limit."

Athrun has been trying for the past few hours to get though to the Archangel on the airways, however all he really accomplished was draining the battery on the radio further.

"There's some emergency rations in here." He said, pulling out some bags and packages with strange writing. "After we eat we should probably catch some sleep."

He struggled opening the packages with only one arm, so I had to reach over and rip them apart for him.

Just hearing him say that gave me an idea. I would wait until he was asleep in his bed, and then escape and tell everybody that I was Lacus Clyne and that I had been kidnapped.

Then, I could go back to the Chairman.

I'm sure he would listen to me and avoid sending Athrun to jail, right?

Maybe they could reconcile... and he can go back to FAITH and I can put on my skirt and sing another concert for everyone.

Where are we anyway? Was there even anyone to talk to?

Could anyone even help me?

Neither one of us has even dared to explore this island, so we had no idea who or what inhabited it.

Oh why did I come with Athrun? Why did I let my heart and my hormones talk me into letting him take me away?

I should stayed behind.

"We can't stay here long." He said taking a bite of a protein bar. "We'll die if we don't get help soon."

I cast all my manners aside and began shoving my face with various protein bars, bags of kettle cooked chips and a canteen of some sort of weird tasting soup. I hadn't eaten since that morning, as I had a busy schedule and then well, I was kidnapped.

Athrun seemed a bit taken off guard at first, and then he found it rather funny and joined me in making a pig of myself. I couldn't help but laugh at how he got crumbs all over the two of us.

"I guess I went overboard." He laughed, sticking his hair in his mouth and sucking some of the soup off of the ends. "It's would be nice to get some real food for once, none of that fine dining they offer back in Gibralter, and definitely better than this crap!"

I laughed and opened up a can of Arabic energy soda that was stashed in the cockpit. Athrun and I decided to share it, so we could both have some energy to stay alive.

"I will admit, it's better seeing you this way." He said, giving me a soft smile. It was the most genuine one I had seen him give me since we met. "Seeing you act like Lacus, and put on that act made it hard to be around you."

My heart sank in my chest.

"I like being around Meer better than Lacus personally." He said before reaching out with his good hand and taking the can from me. "Perhaps now I can get to know the real you a little better."

He still didn't think I was Lacus. He was in denial obviously.

Once again he called my that name, that name that I hate.

His smile fell and he looked away from me, suddenly interested in the crumbs on the floor.

"Athrun? What's wrong?" I asked, reaching over to take his hand. However, as soon as my cold fingers made contact with his warm skin he jerked his hand away and stood up.

"It's nothing." He said, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor.

I had assumed he was staring at the mess we made, and kept on eating my chips without a care in the world. I was starved, and even though everything in this EMERGENCY rations pack tasted like cardboard, my body was desperate for some nourishment.

"What a beautiful girl." He said dazed, causing my face to contort in confusion. "Is this you, Meer?"

I looked up from my meal to see him holding in his one good hand, a photo. He was staring at it without even blinking.

At first I was wondering where he even found a photo, perhaps it was left behind by the person who owns this ZAKU.

And then I remembered my purse.

I reached out and snatched the photo from his hands, catching him off guard.

"Don't ever look at that!" I yelled, stashing it away in my purse and snapping it shut once more. "That's... it's nobody."

"But Meer-"

"Attention people of the PLANTS." A voice boomed from the radio. "My name is Chairman Gilbert Durandall, Chairman of the PLANTS."

It was the Chairman! He was calling out to the PLANTS!

No doubt telling the world that I was kidnapped, and Athrun Zala was responsible.

"My friends, I am sorry to trouble you at such an hour, but I bring you some unfortunate news." He began, clearing his throat. I smiled, knowing that in just a few short hours, maybe even days, I would be back there with him, standing at his side while he gave a speech, telling the world I was safe and sound where I belonged.

"Something unfortunate happened earlier today that was beyond my control. Ex-FAITH member Athrun Zala defected from ZAFT, taking with him Miss. Lacus Clyne and escaping in a stolen ZAKU."

I breathed a sigh of relief. He was reaching out, asking for help in locating me. Now all I had to do was find a way off this island and back there beside him.

"It was only shortly afterwards that I discovered the Lacus Clyne was infact a fake."

I dropped my purse, spilling it's contents once more.

What did he say? A fake? Did he just say that I was a fake?

But I am Lacus Clyne. How can I be a fake when I'm Lacus Clyne?

"It turns out that the real Lacus Clyne was murdered by a group of men working for Djibril and he sent a look-alike in her place. This woman, who I have no idea who she is, impersonated Lacus Clyne in an attempt to fool not only myself, but the world, using her cunning skills and manipulative abilities to deceive everyone."

I did not hear Athrun's voice as he called my name.

"It was brought to my attention that LOGOS had hired this impersonator to sabotage all that we worked for, and to ruin our plans of a peaceful tomorrow."

I didn't get to hear the rest of the broadcast because Athrun switched off the power to the radio. I couldn't even feel his arms around me, my body went numb.

"Why is he saying that?" I asked, tears pouring down my face. "Why did he lie?!"

"Meer..."

"No! I am Lacus Clyne! I am, I am, I am! I am Lacus Clyne! I look and sound just like her so I have to be... there's no way that I'm not Lacus Clyne!" I began to pound my fist into his chest. "I was kidnapped! Stolen from him and he... he... he just..."

Athrun's grip around my body tightened and I collapsed into his arms, sobbing into his chest.

I don't remember how long we sat there like that, but that was the last thing I remembered when I woke up the next morning laying next to him in bed with a sticky face and a throbbing headache.


	4. Rescued

I looked, just like Lacus Clyne.

I had long, pink hair and bright blue eyes. My face was an identical match to hers.

However...

I glanced down at the photo clutched between my fingers.

My long dark-grey hair that was too curly, and my small eyes that I hated so much.

I was a nobody as Meer, nobody needed me, nobody cared.

I'm everything when I'm Lacus.

"Who am I?"

Ever since the broadcast last night, I was feeling crushed and defeated.

Reality was a blur to me, and I couldn't tell which memories were real and which ones were fake.

A conflict I have been facing now for just over half a year. Was I Meer or was I Lacus?

Was I the smiling woman in the photo that I hid away in my memory or was I the woman I saw everytime that I looked in a mirror?

"I just don't know who I am anymore..."

The world as I once knew it was gone, it came crashing down last night as soon as I heard the Chairman tell the world I was fake.

In a way his words hurt more than anything.

Only because it was the truth.

There was no choice now, I couldn't go back. I ruined my life the moment I let Athrun Zala sweep me off my feet last night.

"Athrun..."

He had just finished cleaning out the cockpit when I walked over.

"What is it, Meer?" He asked, turning otwards me.

"Who am I?" I asked, walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his stomach. I could feel him tense up when I touched him, but he relaxed a little and allowed one of his arms to drape over my back.

"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice hesitant as if he wasn't sure how to answer my question.

"I look... and sound just like her." I said, nuzzling my face into his shirt. "Doesn't that mean that I am her...?"

"Meer listen-" He began to say something but I cut him off.

"When you look at me, who do you see?" I asked. "Be honest with me please..."

"When I look at you," He said, taking a deep breath. "I see Meer."

"Even though I have the face, and voice of Lacus Clyne?"

He nodded his head.

"I will never see you as Lacus. To me you will always be Meer."

In a way, his words were like a bitter truth. Even though I may look, and sound, and dress and act just like Lacus Clyne.

Even though I sang her songs, signed her name and gave her speeches.

I would never truly be her.

I would always just be Meer, no matter what I did.

I was just... Meer.

Shaking my head I backed away from him.

"I would rather be her!" I yelled, shaking my fists. "It's just, I am her aren't I? I'm Lacus! Why can't you see that!?"

He sighed and walked closer to me, closing the distance between us once again.

"That woman in the photo." He began. "Is that you. The real you?"

I refused to look him in the eyes. That wasn't who I was. I was no longer that girl.

"That's not me." I said bitterly. "That's not who I am. Do I look like her?"

I allowed myself to raise my eyes for a second, catching him staring at me with such an instense look it made my face heat up.

Even though I hated him, even though I was so angry with him right now I couldn't stop myself from wanting to hold him, wanting ot be close to him.

I still wanted him to love me, and to accept me for who I was.

I was Lacus Clyne.

"It's a shame." He said, rubbing his hand over the bandages wrapped tightly around his forehead. "The woman in the photo was really beautiful."

I glared up at him, my pink bangs obscuring my view of his face.

"I would have asked her to be my girlfriend, if she was real." He said smirking at me as he walked passed.

I stood there stunned. Did he mean it?

Surely he didn't mean that.

How could he want her? She was nobody.

She was ugly.

Nobody wanted her.

"You liar!" I yelled, throwing myself at him and punching his back. I didn't care if he was injured or not, he deserved every bit of pain that came to him!

"How could you... how could you like that ugly monster?" I cried, clutching his shirt. "I mean... she's a nobody. I hate her, everybody hates her."

He turned his body slightly to get a glimpse of me.

"Look at me, just look at me!" I cried harder. "I'm Lacus Clyne! I have her face and her voice! People... People they stop and stare at me, they.. they want to be me they want to be near me... they... they all love me. She is a nobody, a nobody a nobody! Nobody wants her, nobody ever wanted her! Nobody... nobody ever gives her a second glance! Because she's... she's.."

I slid to my knees. That girl, she was a failure.

I was glad she was gone. I wished she would disappear from existence forever!

A strong, gentle arm wrapped itself around my back and pulled me close to a hear source that smelled of sea salt and apples.

He rested his chin on top of my head and tried his hardest to cradle me with only one good arm.

"The woman in the photo is beautiful." He said softly. "Her smile is genuine. Her face is real, and her hair is natural. Those freckles one her face are adorable. That woman, is a woman I would like to get to know."

Tears were flowing uncontrollably down my face.

"Lacus Clyne, everyone loves her that is true, but people only love her because of her voice." He explained, rubbing my shoulder gently. "The world already has a Lacus Clyne. What it needs is a Meer Campbell. Meer Campbell doesn't need everybody to love her, all she needs is people who love her for who she is. For the kind, energetic and happy woman that she is."

I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed Athrun's shirt with my fist and began to shake him. I was weak, and it wasn't having much affect but it was sort of helping.

"But... I... I just... Look at me... and..." I cried even harder. "Why can't I be her?!"

"Because you are not her."

I buried my face in my hands and cried. I cried as hard as I've ever cried in my entire life.

I cried because I was scared, I was so far away from civilization, on an island in the middle of nowhere with no food or water or shelter.

I cried because I had seen many people die and I almost died myself.

I cried because I was scared.

I cried because I missed the Chairman.

Most of all, I cried because Athrun was right.

Every word, was right. It stung like the bitter truth but he was so right.

I am not Lacus Clyne.

He left me there to cry for a few hours, bringing me his now dry jacket to cover up in and offering me some protein bars now and then.

Once the sun started to fade I forced myself up and went to join Athrun as he stood on the shores of this deserted island, staring into the vast empty sea.

"Ath..Athrun." I sniffed, rubbing my sore eyes. "I want to leave."

"I think..." He began. "We might be able to."

I blinked my sore eyes, and rushed over to him looking him right in the face. "Really? How?!"

He said nothing, but pointed up into the orange sky.

It took a few minutes for me to notice it, but once my eyes adjusted to the dim light I saw it.

It was just a tiny black figure in the sky at the time, but I knew exactly what it was.

It was a mobile suit.

* * *

"Athrun!"

The mobile suit spoke to us, as if it were human! I looked up to see it hovering just overhead, it's engines on maximum causing my hair to fly out of control.

Bits and pieces of sand flew into the air and into my lungs, causing me to cough uncontrollably.

My lungs felt like they were on fire.

Athrun's face lit up at the sight of the mobile suit. "Kira! So you are alive!"

'Kira... Kira Yamato?'

The mobile suit put both it's huge, metal feet on the street in front of us causing the ground to shake violently, as if an earthquake was just starting. It lowered it's giant hand to the ground, right in front of Athrun and I.

"It's okay Meer." Athrun whispered, wrapping his arm around my waist and hurriedly pulling me towards the open hand. "Get on, it will all be okay."

I shook my head. "Athrun I can't, they... I... I just..."

I could hear Athrun curse under his breath and the next thing I knew I was being lifted into the air.

"Wh-what are you doing?!" I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck in a death-grip of sorts. He said nothing but simply ran into the open palm of the mobile suit, and as it's fingers curled around our bodies he let me down onto the ground and I could feel us decending into the air.

It was the scariest thing I ever experienced, even performing in concert as Lacus Clyne's double was nothing compared to this!

The feeling of flying in the air, at the speed in which this mobile suit could fly was overwhelming. I began to feel sick to my stomach and I threw myself at Athrun, as I usually did, making sure to wrap my arms around his waist as tight as I could.

My eyes were clenched shut so tightly together that a strange array of colours and white lights began to dance around in my head.

I could feel a pair of strong arms hesitantly wrap themselves around me as we travelled through the sky, and I instantly felt a little bit better.

Only a little bit.

The feeling in the pit of my stomach continued to grow and I was sure I was about to empty the contents of my stomach all over Athrun, however we suddenly stopped and I could hear a large variety of clanging sounds, like metal hitting metal. The smell of oil and burning wood filled my nose, making my nausea even worse than before.

When I finally felt us stop completely, and I allowed myself to open my eyes were safely standing on the hand of the mobile suit, inside of a ship.

A large crowd dressed in white and blue had gathered at the foot of the metal giant, all gawking up at the two of us.

Athrun climbed over the arms and onto the scaffolding as if it were no problem at all, and after his feet safely touched the floor he extended his hand for me to take.

Gratefully accepting I flew off the arm of the mobile suit so fast I almost sent the two of us toppling onto the ground.

"Oh Athrun!" I cried, wiping tears off onto my sleeve. "That was terrifying!"

Instead of holding me in his arms, and comforting me like I was hoping he would do, he just let out a small chuckle and grabbed my arm, gently pulling me across the platform and down a set of metal stairs.

When I reached the bottom, the first thing I said was "Where's the bathroom?!"

I was lead by a rather kind looking woman with long brown hair to the nearest bathroom where I became violently sick.

* * *

After my unfortunate trip to the bathroom, the nice woman, who introduced herself as Captain Murrue Ramius of the Archangel, escorted me back to the helm where everyone was gathered in a crowd, talking amongst one another.

On the way I felt her eyes burning a hole into my head and I sensed she was feeling hostile towards me, even though we had just met.

Athrun, who was in the middle of a conversation with a young man with brown, shaggy hair, was the first to notice me and when we entered the room he rushed over to see if I was okay.

I smiled up at him, thankful that I was leant a spare toothbrush and toothpaste so get the awful stench and taste of vomit from my mouth. "I'm alright now Athrun. Thanks so much." I said, getting closer to him and wrapping my arms around his. "I feel much better now that we're no longer in the air."

All eyes were on the two of us, more so on me than him and I was feeling very nervous and completely terrified!

This was my first time on a military ship, and it just so happened that this one belonged to the enemy! The people I had been warning everyone about for months as Lacus Clyne.

I could tell they were close with Miss. Lacus, and they kept staring at me with both curiosity and anger in their eyes.

I could feel Athrun tense up when I brought myself closer to him, and at first I couldn't quite understand why. I had always been very clingy with him, and he never seemed to mind too much.

Perhaps he didn't want everyone to think that we were close?

It was then that I saw the furious look from a young woman with blonde hair from the other side of the room.

She was dressed in a strange uniform, different and more colourful than the ones the rest of the crew wore, and her blonde hair was cut all shaggy.

She had a face that resembled the young man that Athrun was just talking to moments ago.

"So." An older man with long, wavy blonde hair and a scar stretched across his nose stepped forward. He was dressed different as well, wearing black and red rather than blue and white. "Aren't you going to introduce us to your new friend?"

Athrun's face turned very red for a split second and then he became rather embarrassed. "Oh, oh yeah right. Everyone this is, uh, Meer Campbell. Meer this is the crew of the Archangel."

I lowered my eyes to the ground. Everyone most certainly could tell that I was fake, that I was posing as Lacus Clyne just two days ago.

I braced myself, waiting for the insults to begin when the young man Athrun was speaking to moments ago approached me with his hand extended.

"My name is Kira Yamato." He said with a kind smile. "It's nice to meet you, Meer."

As soon as he said his name I could feel my blood grow cold. This man, Kira Yamato, was Lacus Clyne's boyfriend.

And here I was, a woman impersonating the love of his life.

He should hate me more than anyone else on this ship but instead he offered me his hand and gave me a kind, sincere smile.

Maybe naturals aren't as bad as I was lead to believe...

I hesitantly accepted his hand and introduced myself to him once more, refusing to make eye contact.

One by one the rest of the crew approached me, shook my hand and introduced themselves.

Most of them softened when we shook hands and looked at me with kindness and not hatred, while some seemed to be a bit hesitant of my presence.

However, when the blonde woman who had been giving me looks from across the room approached, she did not appear to be kind at all.

"Cagalli Yula Atha." She said stern, and very professional, as if she were talking to a superior or in a business meeting.

"Meer..." I squeaked, accepting her hand. For such a small woman, her hand gripped mine with such force that I had to bite my tongue to avoid crying out in pain.

"Now then, now that that's settled, it's time to move out crew." Captain Ramius said, giving me a sweep with her eyes before taking a seat in the big captains chair in the center of the room.

I felt Athrun wrap his arm around my waist as he lead me out of the room, and down the hall away from the others.

As the door was sliding shut, I could hear many people begin to whisper and talk amongst themselves, talking about me no doubt.

"That woman, Cagalli.." I said, rubbing my sore hand. "Why does she not like me? Are her and Lacus close?"

"Somewhat." He said. "They're good friends at least."

"Oh I see..." I said nothing more after that. Even I could tell that Athrun was hiding something from me.

"Everyone on this ship hates me." I said, tears began to well up in my eyes. "I don't belong here."

"Neither do I." He said pulling me closer to him. "Don't worry, they're just confused. Nobody hates you, It's impossible to the you."

Just who was that woman? And what is her connection to Athrun?

Oh please tell me that they aren't...


	5. Feelings

He hated it when I did this.

I know he does because the last time I did it he blew it way out of proportion.

I obviously don't care however.

Because I can not sleep. This ship scares me, as do the people.

The crew of the Archangel were all very kind to me, in spite of what I did.

A young woman named Miriallia even lent me some clothes of hers, and let me use her shampoo and soap.

Cagalli was somewhat kind to me, and she smiled at me when we spoke but I could see it in her eyes that she truly wasn't a fan of mine.

Her and Lacus, must be real good friends for her to think of me this way.

I didn't see much of Athrun for the rest of the day, he was mostly out and about with Kira, who I found out was his best friend.

He told me later that Kira went back to the PLANTS to do some personal business, and that left the Archangel without proper protection.

He did however eat supper with me, which was very pleasant! We talked about what would happen now that we're on the Archangel and what I should expect from then on.

From beside me, I hear him breathing softly, and I reached out and took his hand in mine. It was so warm, so... strong.

The shirt one of the crew had given me was way too large for me and fit me almost like a dress, but it was rather comfy to sleep in.

As I crawled in beside him, I made sure to be extra quiet so that I wouldn't disturb his slumber. He deserved a good nights rest after all that he has been through.

I took a glance over my shoulder to the empty bed beside him, the one that I was supposed to be sleeping in.

It was really hard to sleep in the same room as him, but in separate beds.

Once I successfully planted myself beside him I slowly slid myself underneath the warm covers beside him, and once I was securely in place I snuggled closer to him.

Athrun had his back to me, and I placed both my hands upon his shoulders and gently laid my head against his back.

I was so close that I could feel his body beside mine, however at the same time we were barely touching so it was alright.

I hope that I wouldn't wake him up.

"I'm so scared." I whispered, closing my eyes and relaxing against his back. "I'm sorry."

I had no idea who I was apologizing to. I just felt the need to apologize.

To Athrun, to Lacus, to everyone.

Athrun didn't move once, and he let out a small snore in response before readjusting his head on the pillow.

'He must be tired.' I thought, feeling the weight of sleep heavy on my eyelids. "Sweet dreams, Athrun."

* * *

I woke up the next morning to the sound of yelling.

Lots and lots of yelling.

I pried my eyes open, the light burned for a few seconds and when my vision adjusted I could see the blue hair of Athrun, standing over by the door.

"What is wrong with you?!" I could hear a woman scream. "Like, honestly Athrun what is going through your head?"

Pulling myself up into the sitting position I could see him, still in his boxers and his back towards me, in a heated argument with Cagalli.

"What do you mean, what is wrong with me?" He yelled back, taking a firm stance. "What have I done that was so horribly wrong?"

She clenched her fists, and my stomach began to turn. Was she going to hit him? I surely would not stand for that!

The second her fist collided with his face I would be on her like mud on a pig!

"Honestly Athrun..." She said, narrowing her eyes. "I come in her this morning, worried about how you're doing and wondering if you'd like to have breakfast with me, and I come in to find you and that... that Fake Lacus Wanna-be snuggled in bed together! What am I supposed to think?!"

I gasped. Maybe it wasn't because I looked like her best friend that made her hate me so...

_"Fake Lacus Wanna-be."_

Those words stung me right down to the core.

"So you think that gave you the right to literally pull me from bed, at 7'oc clock in the morning and start screaming the ship down?!" He growled through clenched teeth.

"Well I needed a damn explanation now!" She said, grabbing onto his collar rather roughly. I lunged forward a bit, ready to strike when she suddenly released him and took a step back.

A little voice in my head told me to stay hidden in the background, and not to act now, but it was so hard to watch this woman manhandle my Athrun!

Well... Lacus Clyne's Athrun.

Or her Athrun.

Who's Athrun is he?

"Why should you care anyway Cagalli?" Athrun said, his voice suddenly very serious. "The last I heard, you and I were no longer together, and that you're getting married to that Seiran guy."

His voice became very bitter during that last sentence. I couldn't help but feel bad for him, even though now I wanted nothing more than to push her out the door and bolt it shut and drag him back underneath the warm covers with me.

"That has nothing to do with you!" She yelled, caught off guard by his response. "And you think that because I'm, I'm engaged that you can just..." She began rubbing her fingers over a ring she wore on her left hand. I could see that her eyes were beginning to cloud over with tears.

"That I can just what...?"

"That you can just, go off with this woman! She used to work for the Chairman, she's the fake Lacus Clyne! Why would you even-"

He cut her off. "That's enough Cagalli."

By this point I was both sad, angry, confused and a little envious.

Were Athrun and her in love at some point? But, then who is this Seiran and why would she choose him over Athrun?

He's so cool! And handsome, and kind and caring. Why would anyone choose anybody else over him?

It didn't make much sense to me.

"It's none of your business what I do." He sighed, turning away from her. "And just to clear things up I-"

He froze when he saw me. We made eye contact, and his face turned pale.

"How long have you been awake?" He stammered.

"Long enough." I said looking over at Cagalli, who in turn narrowed her eyes at me.

Without another word she turned on her heel and ran out the door. The two of us left in the room said nothing as she fled.

"I'm sorry." I said, pulling my knees closer to my chest. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes again and I forced myself to look away.

I didn't want him to see me cry again. I've been acting like such a baby ever since we had left Gibralter.

"I caused.. you two to fight." I sniffed, hanging my head between my knees.

Athrun sighed and took a seat down beside me on the bed. "It's not your fault."

"But I-"

"Look Meer, I know why you did it." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "This is all happening so suddenly, and I can tell you're uncomfortable. You were torn away from the Chairman so suddenly, forced into a battle and then marooned on an island. Cagalli and I..."

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore. Look, I'm sorry we woke you up."

Getting up to his feet he held his hand out for me to take, and after helping me out of bed he put an arm around my waist and pushed me towards the door.

"You should go get ready. There's a lot going on today." He said, giving me a weak smile. "I'm gonna clean up in here a bit and then head to the showers myself. You should also get your head checked."

"Alright." I said, feeling rather sad. "Can I see you at breakfast?"

I didn't want to eat alone. Or without him.

And I most certainly didn't want him eating with her!

"Of course." Was all he said before he turned and began picking up the pieces of bedding and clothes that were thrown about on the floor.

* * *

The steaming hot water hitting my body felt food, and had jolted my senses awake.

It had been a while since I was able to take a nice long, hot shower. I was always rushed because of my schedule, and because of that my showers were short and quick.

I had a lot to think about, and the shower was the perfect place to do a lot of thinking.

It seems that Athrun and Cagalli were once in love, or still are.

But I was certain that Athrun and Lacus were engaged? Is he a cheater?

Or am I just missing some key information?

It would make sense that their engagement was called off, after all both of their fathers, the ones who made such an arrangement to begin with, are no longer among us.

Lacus and Kira are together as well, so they must have broken up at some point.

Why didn't the Chairman tell me this part? He made me look like a fool...

All those times I clinged to Athrun, and the belief that we were engaged. I snuck into bed with him, held his arm, talked as though we were in love.

When the entire time, it was all lies.

Why didn't he say something to me earlier?

However, if what Athrun said was true, then that means that she is engaged to another, so therefore the two of them aren't together!

"Lacus and Athrun are engaged..." I began to recite. "Both Patrick Zala and Siegal Clyne are killed during the Great War, breaking off the engagement. Lacus and Kira fall in love, Cagalli and Athrun fall in love, Cagalli suddenly becomes engaged to another man, so that must mean... he's still single!"

Quickly rinsing the conditioner from my hair I hurriedly leaped out of the shower and began to dry myself off as fast as possible.

Athrun is single, I'm sure of it. And so am I, now that I'm no longer Lacus Clyne.

Even though I was still apparently single as Lacus Clyne.

Maybe, if I try hard enough, I can get Athrun to fall in love with me...

How great would that be, to have someone like him head over heals in love with me? It would be the greatest feeling ever!

After the shower, I put on a pair of clothes that Miriallia had leant me, while the clothes that Athrun had given to me were being washed.

It was a pair of jean shorts and a yellow tank top with a white polo-shirt to go overtop.

"That's all I have at the moment" She apologized when she gave them to me. "Sorry!"

They were actually quite comfortable. I used to wear jeans all the time, back before my make-over, and after wearing nothing but skirts and dresses for months at a time it was nice to finally slip into something that made me feel more like myself.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I was still Lacus Clyne.

I noticed my hair wasn't as perfect as it once was. Before, my hair would never do what it was supposed to do so the Chairman hired professionals to use many different chemicals and spend many tedious hours taming my hair so that it fell just right.

Just as her hair does.

Now, after running around in the rain and not having the proper chemicals, my hair felt so much better!

My bangs, which were always parted to the right and held there with my star-shaped clip and loads of hairspray, had lost their part and now hung loosely over my forehead.

I also had to resort to styling products to keep my hair straight, styled just like Lacus Clyne's hair, and now it seemed to have a bit more body to it, and had a few waves here and there.

Sure I still had her face, but I was starting to look and feel like her less and less.

Was that what I really wanted?

To be completely Meer once more?

Picking up my star-shaped clip I placed it back in it's original place once more. It made me look a little more like Miss. Clyne, and I had grown rather attached to it over the past few months.

It felt like a part of me.

"I am still Meer. I'll get rid of you someday..."

I grabbed a spare hair elastic that one of the crew had given me and I used to to tie my hair up into a messy bun.

Once I left the bathroom, I snuck into the cafeteria to find it completely empty and I helped myself to some scrambled eggs and toast.

I made sure to take an extra large portion, because I was completely famished, and I hurried back to my room, stopping once to hide behind a corner as two crew members passed by me, talking amongst themselves.

When I got to the room that Athrun and I shared, I sat down on the bed and quietly ate by myself.

I was trying to avoid everyone as much as possible. I could tell they were all uncomfortable around me, as they should be.

Lacus is one of their best friends and here I was, a spitting image of her, an imposter, walking around on their ship.

I felt like the black sheep. That's exactly what I was.

Athrun entered the room sometime after I finished eating, while I was sitting on the floor playing with my haro.

"Haro! You too." It squeaked, rolling around on the floor. It wasn't working properly, as it wasn't a real haro, and it was starting to sound weird.

"Hey." He said, sitting down on the floor in front of me. He had a toolbox in his one good arm and fresh bandages on his sprained arm, as well as around his head.

"What's with the tool box?" I asked, catching haro in mid jump.

"You problem too..." It recited, some sparks shooting out of it's mouth. I sighed, he was my friend even though he was just a ball of circuits and wires.

"Here, let me." Athrun held out his hands, taking my Haro from my grasp. He popped him open and began to pull all kinds of wires out.

"Athrun!" I yelled grabbing his wrist. "What are you doing?"

"Fixing him." He said, taking a screwdriver out of the toolbox. "I made all of Lacuses Haro's," He said, twisting out some screws and tightening a few wires.

I gasped. "You made those?"

He nodded.

"Wow you are so talented Athrun!" I clapped. He laughed at my enthusiasm and then went back to work.

I sat there and watched him work. Every so often he asked me to pass him a tool, and I happily obliged.

It pained me to see him tear apart my beloved Haro the way he was but he must know what he's doing, after all he is the original creator of the Haro!

An hour or two passed when he finally snapped his body together and set him on the floor.

"Should be as good as new." He said, getting to his feet. On cue, my red Haro's eyes lit up and he spun around to face me, his ears flapping.

"Haro! Haro! Meer! Haro!" He said, rolling back and forth. "No problem!"

A big grin formed on my face as I held out my hands. He jumped into them as usual and I got to my feet as well, holding my newly repaired Haro close to my chest.

"Thank you so much Athrun!" I squealed. My Haro jumped out of my hands and began hopping randomly around the room, chanting strange sentences and calling my name.

"No problem." He said smiling at me. "I needed to talk to you anyway, and I've been itching to fix that thing ever since I first laid eyes on it."

"You need to talk to me?" I asked him, ducking my head to avoid being hit by my energetic friend.

He nodded. "I have a feeling we'll be heading into space soon."

I looked up at him. "Space?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Things on the PLANTS aren't looking so good..."

I suddenly felt a heavy sadness weigh itself upon me. It was the truth, the PLANTS, they weren't doing good at all.

There had been more riots, more killings and more causalities due to protests, military uprisings and random attacks.

"What will you do?" I asked him, hopeful that he would tell me he is staying behind in ORB, and taking me with him.

I wanted the two of us to live happily, without anymore conflict.

He looked over at me. "I.. I don't know. When we do go into space, you have the option of coming with us or staying behind on Earth where you will be safe."

"I see.."

He put his hands on my shoulders and made me look him in the eye. "I want you to stay behind. I don't want to put you in anymore danger."

"Athrun I.. I just..." I didn't know what to say to him.

Yes, I wanted nothing more than to run and hide, away from all of this fighting and bloodshed that scared me to death but, to be separated from Athrun, the only real friend I've had since I could remember, it was just too hard to think about.

I cared about him too much to leave him behind.

Especially after everything we just went through.

"The decision is ultimately up to you." He said, releasing his grip on me. "But I just want you to know, I think It's best if you stay somewhere safe."

"I don't want to leave you though.." I said, grabbing onto his arm.

Our eyes locked, and he looked down at me with such an intense stare.

I could feel my face heat up once more, my heart began to go crazy.

He really was handsome. His dark blue hair that fell perfectly around his face, the way his emerald green eyes sparkled when they looked at me.

Even his voice was so attractive, I could feel myself falling harder for him with every word he spoke.

"Athrun..."

I found myself standing on my tip toes, bringing myself as close to my height as I possibly could.

His eyes widened at our sudden closeness, and he took a step back but I matched it with a step forward bringing us even closer.

My hands found their place around his neck and I closed the distance between us.

Feeling his body so close to mine made me want to sing and dance with happiness, but instead I just continued to stare right into his eyes, neither one of us breaking the trance.

Being on a foreign ship was a scary situation, especially for me. Athrun made the whole thing less painful for myself and even though somebody could walk in on us at any given moment I could didn't care.

I was inching closer to his face with each passing second, I wasn't sure if he was moving closer to me or not but it didn't matter to me.

I just wanted to kiss him so badly.

I had almost succeeded in stealing a kiss from the handsome man standing before me.

On two separate occasions.

The first was after we went out for dinner the first time.

He had walked me back to my hotel room and as he departed I tried to get a kiss from him, and I almost succeeded, however a man in uniform showed up and took him away from me.

The second time was after I had performed in concert at the ZAFT military base. As I was leaving, I tried to force a kiss upon him but he wouldn't allow it.

I had assumed that he was shy, so I let it slide.

We were so close now, our lips were just inches apart, I could feel his breath on my face. He continued to stare at me wide eyed, as I closed my eyes.

He was trembling, I could tell that he was nervous.

Had he ever kissed Lacus? Surely he must have, they were once engaged to each other so surely they had kissed at some point.

I've felt a certain closeness to him these passed few weeks that I had never felt with any man before, and it made me long for more.

I wonder what it's like to kiss him?

I was about to find out.

I could barely feel my lips brush against his when the ship shook violently, sending me crashing into him, both of us hitting the floor with such force it knocked the wind out of me.


End file.
